September 13, 2002
GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 1.1
bigtips
He's late to a date, missed a favor: Is this a pattern?
by M.T. 'the Big Tipper' Martone
Dear Big Tipper,
I need to know how to proceed. I'm in a chorus, and there's a hottie who I've flirted with. We've flirted back and forth, actually. We tried to go out on a date about three months ago, but he lives a few hours south of here, and our scheduling just never seemed to work out, so it was too hard.
Well, I hadn't seen him for a month, then he showed up at my gym and said he'd moved here. I asked him if he wanted to have dinner sometime, and he said yes. We picked a restaurant, and set a time.
When that night came, he was almost an hour late. I would have left, but I ran into someone I knew in the bar and was having a jilted drink with him when my date showed
up.
He was very sorry, he said he got stuck at work, and I don't have a cell phone, so he couldn't get in touch with me. We had a really great date then. It was a really nice restaurant, and the meal was excellent, and he looked incredible, and was funny and seemed very interested in me. At the end of the meal, he realized he didn't have his wallet, so I paid, saying that's okay, just take me out next time. He said absolutely.
That weekend I was going out of town and he offered to pick me up at the airport when I got back. I got out to the baggage claim, and he wasn't there. He had left a message on my home machine saying he was sorry, he was having car problems, but that was a real pain in the ass for me.
For the next week, I thought he'd call to apologize in person, but I didn't hear anything from him, and I just kept getting angrier and angrier. Finally I called and left him a phone message saying that I was surprised I hadn't heard from him, and would he please call so we could talk.
When he called, he said he was really surprised that I was so frustrated, because we'd only been on one date, and that he'd had a great time too but that he was worried that I was getting too serious about it. He said he was very interested in going out again, but that he wanted me to take a few days to cool down.
We had such a good time, and he seems very interested when we're together, but he's not acting very interested by the way he's behaving. What should I do? Where is the Love?
Dear Love to Love Him, Baby,
Sweetie, it's true: you've only been on one date with him. He sounds like a perfectly nice guy who likes you, and is interested in seeing if you're someone he'd like to date.
He also sounds like he has a more casual relationship with timeliness than you're com-
fortable with. You can read that as a sign of disrespect and disinterest, and it may be, or you can just relax and go on a few more dates with him and see if it's a pattern or just bad beginner's luck.
A good test will be if he indeed does pay for your next dinner, or if the wallet trick is a repeat.
Dear Tipper,
I just had a disturbing experience. I was driving with a friend and two of her old friends from college. It was dark, and we were on a winding road, and out of nowhere
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came a rabbit. I didn't see it in time, and I hit Marie G. Bielefeld, Ph.D.
it and killed it.
O
BIG TIPS
I felt so bad, I pulled
over,
picked it up and moved it to the side
of the road where no other cars would hit it. It was obviously dead.
When I got back in the car I was crying a little, and then my friend's friends started in on this whole routine about how they would have collected it and skinned it and
cooked it up, how there's no sense in wasting good
meat. Even if I had thought that was true, I'm not a vegetarian, so who am I to have an issue with what people eat?
I think they were just completely insensitive to the fact that something had just died, and that I was feeling awful that it was because of me. My friend didn't say anything the whole time, and now I'm pissed at her for not telling them to shut the hell
up.
I also feel guilty, and stupid for feeling guilty, and stupid for letting them see that I felt so bad. Should I say something to my friend?
Dear Road Kill Regret,
Bunny Killer
I'm sorry that happened. I've been lucky and haven't smacked any animals myself, but if I come across anything that looks like it just happened, I'll try to move it to the side of the road, just out of respect for the animal. I think that was a kind thing for you to do.
Your friend probably didn't realize how you were feeling, and you're probably a little extra mad at her because you feel guilty yourself.
You can mention to her that you were bummed out about the rabbit, and weren't into her friends' response. But ultimately, she's not responsible for them, and you could have told them to shut the hell up yourself. And it might have felt good.
Burning questions? Contact me at the Chronicle, attention Big Tips, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail to martone@drizzle.com.
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